A Night in the Woods
by black.maple.tree
Summary: Organization XIII must spend one night living in the woods. Humor. One shot. Old story.


Disclaimer: I do NOT own Kingdom Hearts or Organization XIII

A Night In The Woods

Summery: 3 groups of 3 and 1 group of 4 need to spend 1 night in the woods…

Teams:

Team 1, Xemnas, Luxord and Lexeus

Team 2, Demyx, Xigbar and Roxas.

Team 3, Marluxia, Saix and Axel.

Team 4, Larxene, Xaldin, Vexen, and Zexion

And so the challenge begins! Each team has 1 cabin, except for Team 4 (Larxene gets her own). The teams need to cook, live without running water, and be TOGETHER as a team for a whole night.

_Team 1_

"Okay" said Xemnas. "Here is our campsite."

It was a small clearing in the midst of nowhere, with a few tree stumps, some logs, and a fire pit. Lexeus threw down a bag of food, which disappeared the second it hit the ground. "Wh-what?!" he exclaimed. "I guess this means we must use our human instincts to capture our supper." Said Xemnas.

"_Human_ instincts?" asked Luxord.

"But I'm STARVING!" cried Lexeus.

_Team 2_

"NOOOOOOOOO! Why isn't there any running water in the woods? Where do the animals go to the bathroom?" questioned Demyx.

"Dude. I won't even BEGIN to explain this to you…" replied Xigbar. Their campsite wasn't even in a clearing—just a treehouse. "Man, what a jip. I thought we got a cabin, not a stupid treehou—" "Woah!" cried out a horrified Demyx. "That animal! It just… It went…. In that bush…." "Well, welcome to the wild, Demyx." Said Roxas.

_Team 3_

"Flowers! Trees! MOTHER NATURE!" Exclaimed Marluxia, overjoyed as he frolicked through the field of flowers that adorned their campsite. It was a large clearing, with a cabin and fire pit. There were flowers everywhere, and the sun shone through the treetops, creating patterns along the pathway to the cabin.

"So cute it makes me sick…" murmured Saix. "There's no running water. I wonder how Demyx is taking it."

_Demyx can be heard crying in the distance_ _"NOOOOOOOOO!"_

"Oh, my god…. I need to burn something.… there's not enough wood to burn…. This won't last me a night…. What to I do…… I can always resort to…burning….. Saix…. NO! NO! I will NOT degrade myself! I will NOT!..." Axel continued to talk to himself for a while, until "Hey! If its wood you're thinking about, then don't!" snapped Saix.

"WOOD! BURN, BABY!"

_Team 4_

"How do we live without a toilet?" asked Larxene. The campsite was a simple clearing with 2 cabins, and a fire pit with some logs to sit on.

"When I was your age…" started Vexen.

"Here we go again…" said Zexion.

"There was no such thing as a toilet. We had no… what do you call them? Indoor outhouses…?"

"BATHROOMS!" shouted Larxene and Xaldin in disgust.

"So," said Xaldin, "do we, like, hold it in?" In reply, Vexen pointed to a bush.

"UGH!" cried Larxene.

"It's gonna get smelly…" said Zexion.

_Team 1_

Xemnas, Lexeus, and Luxord are playing Cards by the fire. Suddenly, out of the silence, come a large growl from Lexeus' stomach. "Ahh…. So hungry…"

"Now what?" Asked Xemnas

"More cards?" replied Luxord. "I meant to eat…"

Another large growl echoed throughout the campsite. "LEXEUS NEEDS TO EAT!"

"Chill, dude." Said Luxord. "All we need to do is set up a trap and, like, catch a rabbit or something."

"I don't know, Luxord…" Xemnas started to say "Lexeus tends to get a bit unreasonable when he's hungry…"

"LEXEUS NEEDS FOOD NOW!" Suddenly, Lexeus' eyes changed color, and his eyes widened, making him look crazed. His mouth began to drool, as he lost balance and fell over. Xemnas and Luxord backed away to give him space. Then, out of nowhere, he jumped up and began to attack Xemnas, who ran around the campsite as Luxord stared.

Obviously hallucinating, Lexeus continued to chase Xemnas yelling "CHICKEN!!!! FRIED CHICKEN WITH BAKED POTATOES AND GRAVEY…!" Poor Xemnas could only hope that Lexeus would become tired soon, and drop.

When Xemnas realized that Lexeus wouldn't stop anytime soon, he climbed up a tree in lightening speed, followed by Luxord.

_Team 2_

"Well, so far, this camping trip… _sucks_."

"Don't Worry, Xigbar. It'll get better when its dark and we can light the fire." Comforted Roxas. Demyx was off in a corner building something with sticks, and Roxas and Xigbar were left to wait for an animal to fall into their trap. They had built a small trap with a rope made from loose theads from their robes, with a few tic tacs as bait.

"Jeez. How long are we supposed to wait!" shouted Xigbar.

"Well, I don't know if tic tacs are the best bait, Xigbar…"

"Guys, guys! Listen! I have finally completed my project!" Exclaimed Demyx.

Before them stood what somewhat resembled a sink, toilet, and bathtub, made out of sticks and mud. The detail on them was surprisingly…Good. There was a design at the base of all three, and leaf imprints scattered around the rest. Demyx stared proudly at his work, then turned to Xigbar and Roxas, who both had on a face that clearly said 'Aren't you stupid.'

"Oh, well, that's just great, but how are we supposed to use it?" questioned Xigbar. "I don't know." Said Demyx, frowning. "But it sure does have a homey feeling, right? Running water?" Roxas could only stare in astonishment.

_Team 3_

"Oh, great. Now we have no fire wood." Said Saix, monotonously. "Shut up, Saix. At least _I_ don't have a drinking disorder." Retorted Axel, panting. Axel had burned up all the usable fire wood in the clearing. In fact, he almost burned down their cabin before Saix restrained him.

"And what are you doing, nature boy?" snapped Saix to Marluxia, who was sniffing a flower along the path.

"Manly stuff! Leave me alone!" replied Marluxia.

_Team 4_

"I know!" shouted Larxene "If I don't eat, I won't have to go to the bathroom!"

"When I was your age…" started Vexen...

_Team 1_

"This'll never work…" said Luxord, as he rubbed sticks together to make a fire.

"KEEP TRYING!" yelled Xemnas, who had fallen from the tree. Luxord, who was still in the tree, was trying to light a fire to scare off Lexeus.

_Team 2_

"I need to go to the bathroom…" said Roxas. Demyx, jumping up from his seat in the tree house, said "Why don't you use _my_ bathroom?" Demyx pointed to his stick and mud creation, as Roxas politely shock his head 'no' with a disgusted expression on his face.

_Team 3_

"Ahhh! Look at the beautiful sunset among the flowers and trees… and flowers!" Shouted Marluxia. Saix and Axel, in the mean time, were sitting on opposite sides of the camp, just glaring at each other. If you looked closely at their eyes, you'd probably see flames and knives, and other violent weapons. Axel began twitching, then jumped up and started spouting out some non-sense while Saix mimicked him, equally immature. In the back round, Marluxia danced away into the sunset.

_Team 4_

"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" scream Larxene. Vexen continued to tell stories of his childhood, and Larxene, Zexion and Xaldin were forced to endure. "But I was just getting to the part where I killed a grizzly bear with my loose-leaf notebook!" said Vexen. Suddenly, the sound of leaves rustling is heard. All huddled together in a state of fear, when…

"Hey Guys!" shouted Marluxia. Everyone else broke away and sighed in relief.

"What are _you_ doing here Marluxia?" asked Xaldin, annoyed.

"Well, I was dancing and must have wandered too far. But its fine, since you're all here!"

"Right…." Said Larxene. "Go away. I bet you're just spying on us, or trying to steal our food!"

"Allow me!" said Vexen "I experienced the best battle tactics!"

"From when?" asked Zexion

"World War I !!!"

Vexen rammed into Marluxia and sent him flying away into the distance. "What a loser" said Zexion.

_Team 1_

"Back, beast! Back!" said Luxord, as he waved a torch in Lexeus' face. He, too, had fallen from the tree. He and Xemnas were huddled together in a corner, pertified of the huge man that was determined to deep-fry them.

A breeze of cool wind came, sending sparks flying into Lexeus' face. Lexeus shrieked and rubbed his face, coming out of his maniacal trance. "What happened?" He asked. Xemnas and Luxord just walked away.

_Team 2_

"Guys, I SERIOUSLY need to use the bathroom!" said Roxas, pleading for an answer. In reply, Xigbar pointed to a bush outside the tree house.

"But…" began Roxas

"No buts. You have to go, right?"

"But…. It's a bush."

"Either that or Demyx's stick toilet"

"Forget it."

"You're just going to forget it? How?"

"I DON'T KNOW!!"

_Team 3_

"That's _my_ bush!" yelled Saix. He and Axel were engaged in another pointless argument. This one? over a bush.

"It's just a bush!"

"It was _my_ bush, until you poisoned it!" Saix hit Axel on the back of the head.

"Ow! Jeez, a bush is a bush! There's plenty of them here!"

"This was the last one! You burned the rest!"

Axel was getting really pissed off, so in one swift movement of his arm, he set Saix's bush on fire.

"You…you little…!" Saix raised his fist and was about to punch Axel so hard it would knock him out of the site. Suddenly, Marluxia landed from when Vexen rammed into him. He landed right in front of Axel.

"Thanks pal, I owe you one." said Axel, sneering.

"What?" asked Marluxia. But it was too late. Saix's fist flew and punch Marluxia right out of the site. "Damn… I missed…" murmured Saix.

_Team 4_

"Well, I'm off to bed." said Larxene. "It's getting dark."

As she walked to her cabin, Vexen could still be heard reminiscing his long-forgotten childhood. "I was a good looking boy, you know. Tall, Handsome face. Luscious blonde hair. You'd be surprised." Xaldin rolled his eyes, while Zexion faked a cough to hide his laughs.

_Team 1 _

"I think he's asleep." whispered Luxord.

"Excellent. Now, just make sure he doesn't start sleep-walking. It may be the death of us…" Xemnas said nervously.

Lexeus was sleeping soundly, obviously dreaming of the dinner they hadn't had. Luxord and Xemnas were careful not to wake him up, in fear of _another_…episode.

_Team 2_

"No… no… I love you… DON'T LEAVE ME!" called Demyx, sleep-talking.

"Aren't you going to bed?" asked Roxas.

"I can't sleep until that _thing_ stops sleep-talking." retorted Xigbar.

"NOOOO!" yelled Demyx in his sleep.

_Team 3_

"Dude, you're creeping me out!" said Axel, as Saix began to fall asleep standing up, with his arms outstretched, facing the moon. Marluxia, who had miraculously found his way back to camp (He claimed that the little forest elves showed him the way back), was sleeping soundly cuddled up against the flowers.

_Team 4_

"And, I was smart. Straight A+'s all the time! And I…" Vexen continued talking about his childhood, as the others slept, ignoring him completely.

_Back in the Castle That Never Was…_

…There was a _huge_ line for the bathroom the next day.

FIN


End file.
